Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Zdeno Chara, Nostradamus and Jacob Es

Note: I received complaints about the profanity in this post. I edited it. Happy? sissies…

Let's see... on the agenda: Zdeno Chara-Max Pacioretty, Trevor Gilles, the Devils, and THIS. So lets get to it.

Let me first say that I am by no means a Colin Campbell hater (edit: given the events of 3/9/11 this is no longer true. I lied to you. How will I ever regain your trust). I think that he's gotten more right than he has wrong. Sure, he messed up with Matt Cooke, and he probably should have handed Gillies a year (It's clear that guy's a side show... see:hockeydb... Really? 16 goals since 1996? Really?). But in all honesty, he's right most of the time. Joe Thornton blind sided David Perron, that deserved two games. He got Alex Ovechkin's hit on Brian Campbell right. Two games, it looked a lot worse than it was. Now he's got a new task: what to do about Zdeno Chara, the 6'9" behemoth from Slovakia.

Since I heard Jack Edwards "jizz in his pants" (thank you Andy Samberg... JT you my boy) over Chara ramming Max Pacioretty's head into the turnbuckle at Montreal's Belle Center (it's spelled e-r, Canada. Get it right...) I have been wondering how Campbell will react. So, instead of simply sitting here and wondering, I'll tell you my completely irrelevant stance.

I'm just gonna come out and say it: that was the most reckless, dangerous play I have seen this year. Chara is a professional, he knows where he is on the ice at all times. Those of you who don't believe that are living in a place that starts with la-la and ends with land. He knew there was a turnbuckle right there, even if he didn't see it (which I think he did). Whether or not he knew there was a piece of glass to slam Pacioretty's head into is irrelevant. On top of that, this was a vengeful act. We just saw Idiot Exhibit A get 10 games on the tail of 9 for revenge. The only difference here is that Chara-Pacioretty is personal. Pacioretty scored an OT game winner against the B's earlier this year. As he was coasting to the boards to celly with his teammates (the man just wanted to celly) he tapped Chara and said something to him. I'm going to add a little note here. My friend who attended high school (Taft for you New Englanders) with Pacioretty has said on numerous occasions that he is an immature douche. This little move backs that up 100%. But what Chara did next was even more childish and has led me to believe that he is nothing but a big baby. The game was over and Chara had just gotten beaten. So he took his sandy you know what and went after Pacioretty in a group of teammates. Ballsy, but he is 6'9". In the next meeting between the two teams this happened (I was going to link it, but if you search "Zdeno Chara Slash Max Pacioretty" all that comes up isthis).

So Chara is a little girl and can't get over a little trash talk. That is evident. Again, he is an aware professional. He knew exactly who he was going against and where her was putting him. Did Chara mean to put him out for the season (as it looks initially)? Probably not. But at the same time, there was intent there. And honestly, the "intent" part of intent-to-injure should only matter if the "injure" part doesn't happen. Chara committed a reckless and dangerous penalty. He and the Bruins should be punished. My thoughts? 10 games (although I would not be opposed to indefinite suspensions, but that's for another time). Clutterbuck is fine. Pacioretty will not be for a little while. Chara rode him and then tossed him, with hands high, into a turnbuckle. Do I think Colin will go 10? Probably not, but something has to be done. However, that's enough about that. How about them Sharks.

But first, the Devils. Back in early January, when I watched the Devils start their improbable run with at 6-3 win over the Lightning I commented that they look like a team that could still make the playoffs. 20 wins and a streaking Ilya Kovalchuk later, I stand by this comment. Did I realize at the time that they would have to get points in basically all of their games to qualify for the playoffs? No, but hey. Right now I look like Nostra-effing-damus. 2012? I think not. Anyway about a month or two later (who really gives a… well, you know), Hugh Jessiman was recalled to the NHL, the Sharks beat the Red Wings 3-1. What do these two seemingly unconnected events have to do with each other? I predicted both of them. That's what. HUGH F-ING JESSIMAN. Who the calls stuff like that? Nostradamus 2.0. That's who. So, are the Devils going to make the playoffs? I'm 2 for 2 at this point... you tell me.

Final BURRRNSSSS (F-you Jim Rome... nah you cool)

- When I heard THIS, I thought it must be a joke. This is Jake Helman aka former teammate of Rob Morgus aka Jacob Es spitting on his first track. I clicked on the link with no expectations, but props hombre (yeah I speak spanish) not bad... (although Spatzy may disagree)

- Patrick Marleau scored his third OT game winner... of the year... that's ridiculous. The man is unstoppable.

- I will now randomly list my favorite pandora radio stations: Collie Man Radio (chill as… yup), Little Lion Man Radio (gotta love me some banjo), Mumford and Sons Radio, Vitamin String Quartet Radio (a sleeper)

- Last week I seriously injured Corey Perry. Why then, you ask, have you not heard about this? Well that's simple. It was in a video game. I had him lined up with Dougie Murray (16th smartest professional athlete) in the neutral zone, and my modified NHL 2010 Dougie does not miss opportunities like that. Moral of the story? Hurting Corey Perry, even in a video game, makes the world a better place. It's a lesson for us all. Think about it.

Corey says: Owwie, my va-jay hurts...

You've been good, I've been great.

Thanks for reading.


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